Myers-Briggs / Strengths Finder
You know how when you KNOW something - and you like it / love it, it’s fun to tell people all about it? That's how I’ve been feeling as I dig more into personalities and learn more about myself.
Now here is my MASSIVE DISCLAIMER…
Just because this is how you’ve been raised, how your personality naturally flows, or you figure out the reason why you do the things you automatically do…. That does NOT excuse poor behavior. We are all accountable for our own actions and you (ME!) saying that I learned this at a young age and I didn’t realize I was doing it… doesn’t give you permission to continue doing the bad behavior. I’ll give examples as we go but just so that’s out there….
The first time someone introduced me to this I’m not sure I really cared enough to actually listen, but then I started getting some training on it and realized that I liked learning why I was feeling / reacting the way I was… until someone started using it as a weapon against me. So my second MASSIVE DISCLAMINER is this….
Just because we’ve been able to label one small part of my (your) personality and who I am (you are) - does NOT mean you know me (or I know you) and what all I’ve been thinking about that goes along with it. Again, I’ll give examples as we go along, but if I didn’t mention both of these disclaimers them here - I’d go off on a 🐇 rabbit trail 🐇 we might not get back from 😜
So Myers-Briggs… This is the one that seems to give people around me the most ammunition but when we started really digging in and talking about the variations of each one of the sections it really started making way more sense, and I learned that they were wrong (see disclaimers). For example… y’all would probably (?) be surprised to know that I am an introvert, (cue shocked faces and sounds😳😲) but what you don’t know is that I’m not an extreme-all-the-time introvert. You can call it what you will but what we’ve decided to label it is “introvert with extroverted tendencies”. Basically this means that I can function like an extrovert if needed, but to truly charge all the way up I need alone time - and as we figured out post Sophie… I need alone time when I’m not in charge. Sometimes this means that I leave the house and get coffee and sit in my truck and be still. Sometimes this means that Ben will take Soph out of the house and I’ll get to be alone for a bit - but it’s an amount of time when I’m not in any way in charge….way different from being “alone” and listening to the baby monitor to make sure everything is okay, or when both Ben and Soph are sleeping and I’m trying to be still and listen to make sure everything is okay. BIG difference (can I get a high five from the introverts??). However… I can be a large bubbly personality that can see all the people and do all the things. In fact - that was one of the reasons that I thought the “scoring” was twisted and inaccurate… not taking into account that I have my own room, house, space and could recharge on a regular basis.
The rest of the “options” are (and this is taken directly from the Myers-Briggs site I linked up top)
Sensing (S) or Intuition (N) - Opposite ways to take in information
Do you prefer to focus on the facts or the big picture?
Thinking (T) or Feeling (F) - Opposite ways to decide and come to conclusions
Do you prefer to take an objective or an empathetic approach for deciding?
Judging (J) or Perceiving (P) - Opposite ways to approach the outside world
Do you prefer to seek closure or stay open to new information?
And yes - all of this is really overwhelming to hear and at first glance it’s difficult to figure out exactly WHAT it all means. Thankfully my friend Lorre (check out her info here) did some amazing training and helped me truly understand so many pieces of this, that I came around and truly started appreciating all the things. 😜Including the parts about where you fall on each scale. Example: You can normally take the objective side of arguments and see both sides of problems - and then struggle because your sister is struggling. See? It’s not an all or nothing thing…and that’s me actively avoiding getting back on the 🐇rabbit trail 😜
Strengths Finder - this was also a really interesting subject that I actually read the descriptive book about before I even understood that there was a test you could take to spell it out a little more…I totally had mine all mixed up!! Partly because there are 34 of them and it’s hard to keep straight but also because I was only looking at one side of each of the strengths - the good sides of it. Each strength has both good and bad parts of it, your balcony or basement. Example (and one I regularly use) my 34th strength (see I’m not calling it a weakness!!) is Adaptability. According to their site (I linked it above) “People exceptionally talented in the Adaptability theme prefer to go with the flow. They tend to be now people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time.”
However since it’s the 34th for me - reading that confused me.. However, reading…
“If Adaptability is not a dominant theme for you, it doesn’t mean that you can’t or won’t be flexible or that you can’t handle change. It probably means you like to exert more control in your environment or are more comfortable with some sort of routine or structure.
You may experience frustration when circumstances change forcing you to abandon your plans. In these situations, you will want to regain control by pausing to reset priorities and making a new plan.
There are times when you or others need to sort through uncertainty or change. When this happens, find out what tasks, functions and activities are mandatory. Focus on the outcomes, not the steps. Find the best way to get there.
When you experience change, it might be important to reflect on the big picture. Understanding why things are happening might help you get back on track or establish new routines that work in the new or different situations.”
Clear as mud right? Again - there are so many parts of this (and it does matter where it falling in your strengths order) but the big part that finally resonated with me was allowing myself to reset after massing imposed changes came up. I was often looked at as stubborn who just wanted to fight and argue - when that really wasn’t the case. I just had either been told a plan (or sometimes formulated one in my head and hadn’t told anyone), and when the plans changed I wouldn’t allow myself a moment to adjust and digest and then I’d get angry and frustrated and people would call me controlling. NOW, knowing that I need a few moments to process … I try NOT to talk right away when changes are made. When I’m in a meeting and something changes or there are multiple changes, I write notes and then ask them if I can come back with questions once I’ve processed a little. I’ve also started scheduling things differently - I want all meetings and times for changes (at least what I can control) done at once so I can process and make adjustments and ask questions and then move on…. Usually after a coffee or chocolate. Those things are things I enjoy and can help my body take the physical time out I need to “play nice with others”. HOWEVER - I have been known to go off when pushed and then truly not remember what I’ve said. 😬😬 Owning up to my responsibility here - I do try to ask people to give me time to process but when they can’t and I have to move quickly I tend to take multiple steps back and force myself to not be part of the process - I just wait for things to be told to me. Yes - I know that’s disengaging but I can step back in later, I just KNOW I need a moment. I also find that I surround myself with people who are much better at this (this is actually in Ben’s top 5) and then give them room to thrive.
EXAMPLE:
One of my favorite vacations that Ben and I have been able to do together was one Thanksgiving about 10 years ago. We live in NE. We had a wedding the Saturday before Thanksgiving in CO Springs. We were spending Thanksgiving in Kansas City MO…. that’s a LOT of driving back and forth… So we decided to take the week in between as vacation and wandered around some states we hadn’t spent hardly, if any time in - New Mexico, Texas and Oklahoma. We’d drive without really any purpose and when we were getting tired we’d look for a pet friendly place and then stay there. We’d enjoy our evening out exploring, sleep, enjoy a continental breakfast, and get on the road to explore. We didn’t stay in the same place more than once…. We didn’t have a plan…. We truly didn’t know where we were a couple of times! 😜 but it was SO MUCH FUN. I gave trust to someone who is way more “go with the flow” and got to truly enjoy the now. Then when it came time to book a hotel - I took care of that. The real life balcony that this describes is when we both are on the same page with things and then can process and deal with the day to day as needed. I look at the long term budget and make sure we have room for “things” and meal plan and all that… and Ben looks at it and makes it more fun. I have Shrimp-Lo-Mein on the menu? Let’s try making it on the Blackstone!! The key to this particular trait working together is knowing what the others “overall” need is. I need some structure and plan, but if Ben wants to change the plan I rely heavily on him to do the bulk of the work until I can get caught up and then we enjoy our time together ❤️ The basement of this is when I have a nice clean structured step by step plan put together and I forgot about something (like did you know you need to have propane to use the gas grill? And pellets to use the pellet smoker??), and when I’m leaning on Ben - he’s already leaning on me for the plan and we forget that we can support each other in our weaknesses.
Still clear as mud? 😜
The BIG HUGE take away that we need to have with all this is really to continue to learn about yourself, and others around you. Take time to journal (however that looks like to you) and process out with trusted people what’s happening. Have open and honest communication about how you are feeling and how you are seeing the world. Take ownership of your actions and take steps to help make those actions reflect our heavenly Father.
